Abductions of young children such as Elizabeth Smart in Utah and Samantha Runnion here in Southern California have sparked fear in parents across the country and prompted them to ask how they can make their children safer.
Herman B. Gray, M.D., chief of staff of Children's Hospital of Michigan, believes that parents should begin to teach their children about not going anywhere with strangers as soon as they can clearly understand who strangers are.
According to Dr. Gray, how you pose the issue is also important. "Teaching your child not to go anywhere with a stranger or not to take anything from a stranger is better than to discuss abductions, which might be too frightening for young children."
Dr. Gray advises parents to make sure to speak simply, in words that the child uses regularly or understands regularly. For example, "a stranger is someone not in our family like mommy or daddy or Susie or Grandma." Or, "there are a few bad people in the world who may want to hurt little boys and girls, and we don't always know someone is bad just by looking at them." If the child does not seem to understand, you're probably speaking above their level of comprehension, Dr. Gray says.
Gray advises against telling toddlers and pre-schoolers about abductions. "I believe it is unnecessarily frightening, he says. "Small children should always be in the care and direct supervision of an adult who should be protecting them against an abduction. There's fairly little toddlers or pre-schoolers can do to protect themselves."
School-age children might want to discuss abductions with their parents because they hear about it in school or see it on TV. "If they wish to talk about it, parents should openly discuss it with them in a manner that is both educational and comforting," says Dr. Gray. He suggests that parents emphasize to children the importance of staying where they're supposed to be at all times, of being extremely cautious of strangers who approach them, and of being sure that an adult always knows where they are.
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children offers educational resources at its site www.missingkids.com.
By Francesca Kritz
Parenting.com July 2002
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Parents - More Help for Protecting Your Children
Experts say parents need to have good communication with their children and set specific boundaries, such as imposing curfews and avoiding strangers. Suggestions to protect children:
- Tell your children which homes they can visit when you're not there.
- Discuss the boundaries of where they can and can't go in the neighborhood.
- Make sure children know their names, addresses and telephone numbers and know how to use the telephone.
- Caution children not to open the door or talk to anyone who comes to the door when they are home alone.
- Don't drop your children off alone at malls, movies, video arcades or parks.
- Tell children never to approach a vehicle, occupied or not, unless accompanied by a parent or trusted adult.
- Impose a curfew, make sure your children know it and require them to check in with you if they are going to be late.
- Choose baby sitters with care. Obtain references from family, friends and neighbors.
- Investigate daycare settings before placing your child. Make certain the center or daycare home is licensed.
- Always listen to your children and make sure they know they can tell you about anything that makes them uncomfortable. Your children are your best source for determining if everything is OK.
- Teach your children to get out of dangerous or uncomfortable situations right away.
Source: National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
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